Just To Let Y’all Know

*As a side note, I want to thank that person who recently commented on my poem “Catch Her Rain”! I really appreciate that!

I thought long and hard about this question: should I keep posting my poetry here on my blog or keep my dark and sad musings set to a rhyme scheme in my journal?

After posting “Catch Her Rain” in a forum, I was discouraged because many members completely tore it apart-and they weren’t very nice about it either. (They also did that when I posted a thread about a band I like. Jeez…people online go out of their ways to be major jerks a bit too much.)

So, for the time being, or until I get my courage and some of that old writing drive back, I won’t be posting any new poems here. (Sorry Chelsea. I can email any to you if you want.)

Ah, the New Year/Decade…

Don’t get me wrong, I like holidays.

But sometimes it’s pointless to celebrate them when the people you love aren’t here.

For example:

my mom worked yesterday, and it was her birthday

my mom worked today, and now she’s sick

my dad wasn’t present for certain reasons

That’s why, to me, all that “being with your loved ones” hype is pretty foreign.

Hugging relatives? Nah. I don’t even like most of them because they criticize everything I do and everything I am, everything I like.

Hugging friends? Well, it depends on which friend, whether they’re male or female, and for what reason.

In a way, I don’t really like the holidays. They remind me of the things that others enjoy that I don’t remember enjoying.

Banner #1

I made a banner! I’m actually pretty proud of myself, since I always thought I was bad with photo editing.

My first one includes a picture of the wonderful Queen of all Muffins, Emilie Autumn.

I hope you guys like it! I don’t take credit for the original picture, I only found it and edited it.

Seriously…Wow…

Okay, I’m not big on politics. They truly don’t interest me, and call me weird, but I actually like NOT arguing with people over really stupid stuff.

However, I’m getting a bit tired of everyone’s whining about all this health care nonsense, and how we’re “going socialist.”

Are we slowly leaning toward socialism in EVERYTHING or just health care? Clear that up for me first.

It really does surprise me when adults get all whiny over stuff like this.

Here’s what I think-no matter how much whining we do, those people who actually pass this stuff probably won’t listen. So, in my opinion, stop your whining and deal with the changes.

I mean, that’s what you adults tell us youngsters right? That life’s not fair and to just live with it?

*Just to let you guys know-I’m not trying to get people angry or anything. I’m just using freedom of speech and expressing what I think. Please, don’t bite my head off.

Blog Stats from Yesterday

I just think it was funny that I got 9 blog views on my birthday. That made my night. Thanks to whoever read my blog!

Untitled at the Moment

Well, I am back with a new poem! It’s not particularly good, since I wrote it in a bad mood. I haven’t bothered to edit it or anything, so I might write a new version of it later. I apologize if the reference to Mary offends anyone.

UNTITLED (at the moment)
Watching the plain moon
On a cold breezy November night
Larger than her stellar companions
It floats along a midnight velvet background.

The wind pick sup, leaves swirling around her feet
She keeps walking despite the bone-chilling cold
The accepted loneliness of her heart deepens
Ever step she takes becomes harder and heavier to take.

So many have told her to “cheer up”
Even though they should take their own advice
The truth always stings, even more so when one agrees with it
Like pouring salt onto reopened scars and wounds.

She finally reaches her destination
Numbly, she sinks onto the frozen ground
Raising her head wearily, she stares up
Into the unresponsive but lovely face of Mary.

Eh, not my best effort. But I might write a part 2 for this one

Untitled

Yay, I finally wrote a new poem! I wrote this to keep from falling asleep in my A & P class in about 15 minutes.

UNTITLED (haven’t come up with a title for it yet)
Swirling thoughts of different colors
Blot out everyone around me
Lost in my dream-like state
The world ignores my troubled face.

People hear but don’t listen
The pretend to care but it’s all lies
When you truly need them in life
They disappear and are never there

A fleshy bird in a cranial cage
Already losing the will to carry on
Slowly numbed by so many painful memories
I close my eyes and welcome the darkness.

Thoughts?

More Downer Musings from Me

I’m supposed to be working on my homework but I felt like blogging because I haven’t blogged in a long while.

Ever get so down in the dumps that you really really want a hug but you just push that feeling away?

Yeah, that’s me for the past 3-4 days.

I usually just lie in bed and stare up at the silhouette from Sophomore Overnight and try to just numb the feeling.

It actually isn’t even sexual, this feeling. I’m not going to go crying to my mom. And I might mention something to my friends, but other than that I pretty much will keep things repressed. I certainly can’t go crying to my boyfriend because I don’t have one.

In other words, I’m pretty lame when I’m trying to explain my emotions. I usually repress them and then blow up by having a cryfest at 3 am and soaking my journal pages with tears, like I did all summer.

I should try channeling all this into some more poetry writing (or what I call “poetry”).

Poem #5-”So Much”

SO MUCH

Now you see me, now you don’t
I blend into the wall despite the black makeup
Detached from everyone else around me
I trudge halfheartedly after everyone else.

Now you might say you know me
And you know what? You don’t, not by a long shot.
Just shut the hell up
And leave me alone.

No one will ever see past the makeup, the clothes
The often hostile attitude, eyes cast down
No one exactly knows how close I am
How close I am to becoming a human bomb

The pressure, the crushing pain
Of watching your life fall apart
Of watching people float upwards on a cloud of happiness
While I float close to the ground

No one to trust
No one to run crying to
Tears splatter my notebook
Who knew blood red was a beautiful color

I don’t want to fall asleep
Dreams are so pointless
Can’t you see that I’m falling apart
Can’t you see that I’m fading away

So much pressure, so much pain
Everything I do is in vain
So much pressure, so much pain
Everything’s hitting me like a train

Cancer Strikes Again

My grandmother passed away in 2005 because of cervical cancer

Now one of my parents might have cancer too.

It’s a tough time for us atm.

Actually, it’s always been tough for us.

I really don’t know how we are going to make it through everything.